


clumsy with your heart

by steph (stephissalty)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Driving, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oops, but they're both suffering but oikawa is kinda blind so you only see him until the end, for once i'm not torturing iwa it's oikawa this time, help oikawa, idk how heavy the angst is tbh you guys will have to tell me, no beta we die like men, s/o to makki for being an emotional support friend, wait nvm it's both of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24367147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephissalty/pseuds/steph
Summary: "i let you down; i've been clumsy with your heart again. i guess you figured me out; now here's a taste of my own medicine." - clumsy, all time lowOikawa Tooru isfine.Okay, maybe not really. He's running on empty, his work is literal hell, he hardly sleeps or eats, and he could very well collapse at any given second. But! For all intents and purposes, Oikawa Tooru is fine.Except, he's not, and Oikawa is hurting his best friend by hurting himself,  but he doesn't see the damage he's causing. And Iwaizumi's rope is running just as thin as Oikawa's.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 151





	clumsy with your heart

**Author's Note:**

> the playlist is pretty significant for this one. it's a lot of all time low and 5sos.  
> clumsy - all time low (title song!)  
> lover of mine - 5sos  
> january gloom - all time low (iwaizumi's song)  
> babylon - 5sos  
> 7 years - lukas graham (oikawa's song)  
> old me - 5sos (oikawa's song)  
> skyway avenue - we the kings

He probably got a little bit greedy. Yeah, that was probably it. He’s always been too greedy, too pompous, and it bit him in the ass when he got too close to the sun and fell back to earth, leaving a path of pain in his wake. Flew too close to the sun, picked up too many responsibilities, played with a few too many hearts. Looking back, that’s probably what ended him up here. He tried to play god, tried to split his own heart in too many directions when it could really only go one. He pushed the one person who would go to the end of the earth for him too far.

That’s how everything went wrong.

God, he hated himself.

The other deserved better than him.

Fuck.

* * *

Oikawa Tooru is  _ fine.  _

“Oikawa, we need you to stay late tonight.” He agrees even though it’s the third night this week.

It’s fine.

“Tooru, you haven’t called in weeks.” He’s been busy, he says. It’s the truth, but his energy is running on empty.

It’s fine.

“Oikawa, come out tonight; you need fun.” He says no, quoting something about being tired.

It’s fine.

He’s  _ fine.  _

* * *

“Tooru, you haven’t left your bed in two days.” Iwaizumi pokes his head into Oikawa’s room, where he’s made himself a nest of blankets to make the best of his long weekend. Even though he’s “relaxing,” he still has his laptop and is doing his homework for the upcoming week so he doesn’t need to worry about it. “Please come out.”

“I’m recharging for another week from hell,” he responds. Iwaizumi is the only person who’s ever seen him like this.  _ Weak.  _

“We can watch that American crime show you’ve been wanting to watch,” Iwaizumi offers. Not for the first time, fondness blooms in Oikawa’s chest for his best friend at how hard he’s trying. He’s the only person who hasn’t given up on Oikawa.

Oikawa considers the offer and cocks his head. “Okay.”

He slowly peels back his layers of blankets, very aware of Iwaizumi’s concerned gaze from the doorway. Carefully, he stands and makes his way to his friend, who has a soft smile on his face as he wraps an arm around Oikawa’s waist. Together, they walk over to the couch and settle into their usual position. Oikawa lays his head on Iwaizumi’s lap as Iwaizumi runs his hand through the other’s soft hair.

“Thank you, Iwa-chan,” he whispers part way through the show.

He draws one of Oikawa’s hands up to his mouth and presses a gentle kiss to the backs of his fingers. “Anything for you.”

His heart flutters slightly as he directs his attention back to the television. Iwaizumi shifts to reach for a blanket, which he drapes over Oikawa. Oikawa grabs onto his left hand - the hand that isn’t petting him - and doesn’t let go. 

* * *

“Oikawa, nice serve!”

He serves the ball and the volley begins, bouncing back and forth between both teams until Iwaizumi spikes it down in the other team’s court. 

Today’s practice is fairly standard, if not tedious. They’ve been doing practice games a lot recently, which he supposes is better than laps of diving drills, but his head is starting to hurt from the constant court analysis. Regular practice drills wouldn’t be a bad change of pace, he thinks, and then cringes at the thought of some of the especially miserable drills.

“Nice practice, wrap up! See you guys tomorrow morning!” the captain shouts. Right now it is nearing ten o’clock, and morning practice starts at five tomorrow.  _ Barely seven hours.  _

“Hey, I’m going to run some serve drills if that’s alright,” Oikawa calls over to him. He can feel Iwaizumi’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t say anything.

Once all of his teammates have left, he hits ball after ball over the net, most of them staying in bounds, but still not as powerful or as controlled as he wants. Iwaizumi is standing by the ball basket, drinking water as he carefully regards Oikawa’s energy state. 

After a particularly poor serve, he swears, “Fuck.”

“Tooru.”

“I’m not done, Iwa-chan.”

“It’s midnight. You’ve been at it for two hours. Your knee is going to give out. We need to go home and you need to ice your knee.”

“No, it’s not good enough,” he argues, feeling his voice catch slightly.

_ “Tooru.”  _

He goes to pick up another ball but discovers that the basket is empty - he’s already emptied three so far. Oikawa doesn’t allow his annoyance to show on his face as he makes to duck under the net to pick up a few of the balls on the other side of the court, but there’s a harsh pull at his collar.

“You’re done. Stretch, asshole,” Iwaizumi demands. He starts picking up all of the balls around the gym.

“Iwa-chan, I’m fine. You really don’t need to worry about me so much.”

Iwaizumi looks back at him. His undereyes are slightly darkened, but Oikawa figures it’s because it’s getting late. “Don’t I, though? C’mon, we’ve gotta get home.”

When they get back to their apartment, Iwaizumi pitches an ice pack at his face with a towel wrap, demanding that he ice his knee. Oikawa reluctantly agrees.

He struggles to sleep that night and instead tosses and turns until it’s close enough to the time when he’d have to wake up for morning practice anyways. Iwaizumi notices, of course.

* * *

_ 05 December, 11:13 _

_ To: Oikawa Tooru _

_ From: Kindaichi Yuutarou _

_ Subject: Recommendation Letter _

_ Hi Oikawa-san, _

_ I hope you’re doing well. I was wondering if, when you get a chance, you’d be willing to write a recommendation letter for me? I’m looking at applying for some internships and co-ops, and I think that a recommendation letter from you would benefit me greatly. _

_ Thanks, _

_ Kindaichi _

_ 05 December, 12:39 _

_ To: Kindaichi Yuutarou _

_ From: Oikawa Tooru _

_ Subject: Re: Recommendation Letter _

_ Kindaichi-kun, _

_ Absolutely. Attached is the letter. Feel free to save it and use it as you need. If there is anything you’d like added to the letter, I can do that. Good luck in your future endeavours. _

_ Best, _

_ Oikawa Tooru _

_ Marketing Supervisor, Social Division _

* * *

_ Received, 17:00: Yo are you coming out tonight? _

_ Delivered: 17:31: no i’m staying late at work and then i’m gonna workout _

_ Delivered, 17:31: thanks for the invite tho _

_ Received, 17:34: Okay, you’re always welcome to join _

_ Delivered, 17:48: thanks _

_ Delivered, 17:48: miss you and mattsun _

_ Received, 17:50: We miss you too _

* * *

_ 19 December, 15:09 _

_ To: Oikawa Tooru _

_ From: Social Division Management _

_ Subject: Activity Report _

_ Good afternoon, _

_ Can you draw up a report of your division’s activity for the last eight months? Include all new hires, reports written, complaints filled, write-ups, articles, successful marketing schemes launched, unsuccessful marketing schemes launched, and schemes in progress in addition to anything else you see fit. We need this by tomorrow morning. _

_ Social Division Management _

_ 19 December, 16:55 _

_ To: Social Division Management _

_ From: Oikawa Tooru _

_ Subject: Re: Activity Report _

_ Good evening, _

_ Attached is the report. I’ve put it in an Excel file format, but I can convert it to a PDF or different document format if that would better suit your needs. If there is any missing information, please let me know and I’ll be happy to fix it. _

_ Oikawa Tooru _

_ Marketing Supervisor, Social Division _

* * *

_ Received, 14:03: hey oikawa, have you finished the assignment for class _

_ Delivered, 14:15: [Photo Attached] _

_ Delivered, 14:15: there you go _

* * *

_ 22 December, 15:32 _

_ To: Oikawa Tooru, Volleyball Team _

_ From: Team Captain _

_ Cc: Coach _

_ Subject: New Year’s Tournament _

_ Team, _

_ We have an upcoming tournament on 01 January. Please clear your schedules for 31 December and 01 January and allow for more practice time leading up to this tournament. _

_ Captain _

_ [Time Request Off] _

_ 31 December _

_ 01 January _

_ \- REQUEST DENIED - _

_ 23 December, 10:39 _

_ To: HR Management _

_ From: Oikawa Tooru _

_ Subject: Time Off _

_ Hello, _

_ I recently submitted a time off request for 31 December and 1 January, but it was denied. My volleyball team is travelling for a New Year’s tournament, and it is vital that I attend the tournament. I am asking that you reconsider the time off denial. _

_ Thank you, _ _  
_ _ Oikawa Tooru _

_ Marketing Supervisor, Social Division _

_ 23 December, 15:24 _

_ To: Oikawa Tooru _

_ From: HR Management _

_ Subject: Re: Time Off _

_ Oikawa, _

_ You will be granted the time, but you must be on call at all times on those days. We will not make another exception like this in the future. _

_ HR Management _

_ [Time Request Off] _

_ 31 December _

_ 01 January _

_ \- UPDATE: REQUEST PARTIALLY APPROVED, SEE NOTE - _

_ Note: On call 31 Dec and 01 Jan _

* * *

_ 23 December, 16:02 _

_ To: HR Management _

_ From: Oikawa Tooru _

_ Subject: Re: Re: Time Off _

_ Hello, _

_ Thank you for granting me the time off I requested. I appreciate it. _

_ Oikawa Tooru _

_ Marketing Supervisor, Social Division _

* * *

_ Delivered, 17:45: hey i’m gonna be late getting home tonight _

_ Delivered, 17:46: more things have come up _

_ Delivered, 17:46: i should be out in time for practice, not sure tho _

_ Received, 17:50: What can I do to help you? _

_ Received, 17:50: Do you want me to bring you dinner or anything? _

_ Delivered, 17:55: that’d be great _

_ Delivered, 17:55: thank you hajime _

_ Received, 17:56: Always _

Oikawa meets Iwaizumi in the lobby of his office building. Iwaizumi is holding two bags of takeout and smiles sadly.

“Are you coming up?”

“Can I?”

“Of course.”

It’s nearly seven now, and Oikawa is one of the last people in his office left. Iwaizumi steals a chair from the cube next to Oikawa’s and wheels over. He looks up and down at Oikawa, taking in his rough appearance, hunched shoulders, dark undereyes, and sunken cheeks. Oikawa knows he looks bad.

“I’m going to text the captain and tell him we won’t be in,” Iwaizumi says quietly after a moment of deliberation. It leaves no room for argument.

“Are you going to go?”

“No, I’m going to take you home,” he responds.  _ He sounds sad, _ a voice in Oikawa’s head says. “Please stop pushing yourself like this.”

Oikawa whips his head up at that. “What?”

“You heard me.” Iwaizumi doesn’t look up from his untouched food.

“I’m  _ fine,  _ Iwa-chan.”

“You’re really not, Tooru!” Iwaizumi exclaims, slapping his leg in frustration. “Your boss says run and you run. No matter what it is, you don’t say no to anyone but yourself! You’re killing yourself! You had to beg just to get two days off. When’s the last time you were home before five? I hate seeing you hurting yourself.” His voice sounds thick, and his eyes are wet, Oikawa realizes.

_ What’s wrong with Iwa-chan? _

“It’s just the name of the game,” he mumbles and averts his eyes. Anywhere but at Iwaizumi. “It’s fine, really. I’m a big boy.”

“You’re starting your day at fucking five in the morning at practice, going to classes, coming here, and then either working out or going to practice again! You’re barely eating,” Iwaizumi cries. “I’m your roommate, your  _ best friend _ , and I never see you anymore. Goddammit, I miss Tooru, okay?”

“I’m sorry, Hajime. I can’t just quit my job for you, though.”

“You don’t even  _ like  _ your job. It’s barely even related to your major.” That is true. Oikawa had changed majors several times - at one point he was a marketing major, but for his master’s he was going for communications. And, of course, Iwaizumi is right. He doesn’t like his job. It just paid well for a job with a fresh non-STEM bachelor’s degree.

Oikawa just shrugs.

Iwaizumi rolls closer to him, invading his personal space, and fiddles with the mouse on his computer. It’s open to a document, so he saves it and shuts down the computer. “We’re going home. And your laptop is staying here. You’re taking tomorrow off. We both are.”

“I can’t do that.”

“I don’t give a  _ fuck.  _ If your manager has a problem with it, they can deal with your very angry best friend,” Iwaizumi declares. His eyes are bright and angry as he stuffs his trash in his takeout bag. “Home. Let’s go.” He extends a hand.

“Bossy Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouts, but there’s no malice behind it. 

There’s no energy for him to have any malice.

* * *

They make their way home not long after, and Iwaizumi forces Oikawa into bed, quoting something about “self-induced sleep deprivation” and “taking poor care of himself” and “going to collapse any second now.” To be one hundred percent fair, Iwaizumi is correct on all fronts, Oikawa admits. However, he’s  _ fine.  _ He’s dealt with way worse than this before.

Usually they watch shows out on the couch in the living room, but tonight Iwaizumi joins Oikawa in his bed, hip laptop resting on their thighs. Oikawa’s eyes are glazed over and he’s not really paying attention to the show that they’re watching, but Iwaizumi is warm under him and supports his weight on his shoulder.

As Oikawa’s eyelids start to droop around nine o’clock - the earliest he’s gotten to sleep in probably months - Iwaizumi pauses the episode they’re on and sets his laptop aside.

“Stay,” Oikawa murmurs. His sleep addled brain isn’t thinking, but he’s not willing to give up the warmth Iwaizumi is exuding, and that’s all he’s thinking about.

Iwaizumi is quiet for a moment, and Oikawa thinks he hears his heart rate increase. “...Okay. Let me get up and get changed quickly though, okay? I’ll come back.”

“Come back, Iwa-chan,” he mumbles as Iwaizumi man-handles him and moves out of the bed.

“I always do.”

* * *

Oikawa feels safe when he wakes.

His head is resting on Iwaizumi’s bare chest, and Iwaizumi’s arm is curled around him. Fondness blooms in his chest - he hadn’t expected him to stay the entire night, but he is still here, his face soft and content. After a glance at the clock on his bedside table, Oikawa sees that it’s just past nine in the morning.  _ Twelve hours. That’s the most sleep I’ve gotten in half a year.  _

He reaches for his phone, careful not to jostle Iwaizumi too much. Of course, he finds that he has several texts and emails. The first is from his supervisor.

_ Received, 08:15: Where are you? _

_ Received, 08:19: Oikawa _

Nervous, he quickly types out an apologetic response. He’s usually in the office by seven fifty.

_ Delivered, 08:57: i will not be in today _

_ Delivered, 08:57: my best friend is forcing me to take a day off. i’ll make up all of my work tomorrow. _

_ Received, 09:01: Please put in a time off request next time.  _

_ Delivered, 09:02: yes sir _

That’s one down. He sifts through the four emails waiting for him. Two of them are wanting project updates, one of them is out of network requesting info, and one of them is a morning update from an intern. He responds to the intern, thanking her for her work and telling her that he’ll be back tomorrow, and flags the project update requests to work on later. There are a few texts from some of his coworkers asking about him - he hasn’t missed a day of work in over a year - and one text from his mother asking how he is.

_ Received, 23:19: Hi Tooru, how are you? Iwaizumi-san said you’re working yourself really hard. Please take care of yourself and come visit soon. We miss you. _

_ Delivered, 09:06: hajime is making me take the day off today. i’ll be okay. _

_ Delivered, 09:06: i’ll try to come home soon _

He’s about to answer one of the texts from his coworkers asking about a project when Iwaizumi sleepily plucks the phone out of his hand. 

“Mine.”

“Hajime,” he whines softly. “Can I have my phone back?”

“You’ve already been doing work this morning, haven’t you?” he yawns.

“Maybe.”

“Then the phone is mine.” Iwaizumi stretches and ruffles Oikawa’s hair. “Let’s make breakfast, okay?”

“You’re being so sweet to me, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa teases. “How cute!”

Iwaizumi freezes for a nearly imperceivable moment and flushes slightly. “I just care about my best friend’s health, alright?”

“Aww, Iwa-chan does care!” Oikawa’s running on false energy and fake bravado that he doesn’t usually use around Iwaizumi, but he doesn’t do anything to stop it.

“Of course I do,” he replies quietly, but his voice sounds  _ sad _ . Oikawa’s heart clenches. Iwaizumi walks out of Oikawa’s room wearing only a pair of sweatpants and makes his way to the kitchen, expecting Oikawa to follow.

Oikawa hops onto the counter as Iwaizumi gathers the ingredients for pancakes. “What are we doing today?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Iwaizumi responds as he measures out some flour. “You’re going to rest your mind and body because  _ fuck knows  _ you need it.”

“We could invite over Makki and Mattsun,” Oikawa suggests.

“They’re both working,” Iwaizumi says, not looking up from the ingredients he’s whisking together. “Today is about  _ you,  _ not Makki and Mattsun.”

“Okay.”

Oikawa’s head feels weird, kinda fuzzy around the edges, like it might burst at any second. He considers that this might be the first time in a long while that he’s had more than a second to just  _ sit  _ and be alone with his thoughts. He tilts his head side to side and thinks to himself that he feels a little bit like a bobble head.  _ That’s probably not good.  _ But if he tells Iwaizumi, then that’ll lead to a lot of fussing, and -

“What are you thinking about?”

“My head feels weird?” It comes out as a question.

“Weird full or weird dizzy or weird sad or?” Iwaizumi looks up from where he’s pouring the batter in the pan.

“I think all three,” he admits. “It’s just a lot.” The honesty in that statement hits him like a sucker punch, and he wants to take it back, now Iwaiz -

“How can I help?”

“You’re already doing more than enough,” he says with a weak smile.

Iwaizumi walks over to where Oikawa is perched on the counter and gets into his personal space, looking deep into his eyes.

“H-Hajime -”

“Don’t hide things from me, Tooru,” he says lowly, eyes big and searching.

“What if I don’t know what I’m hiding?” Oikawa’s breathing is harsh, but he tries to conceal how his heart is hammering in his chest.  _ What the fuck? It’s just Iwaizumi. _

“Then tell me when you figure it out.” He pulls away and returns to the pan. 

Oikawa thinks he sees a light blush on Iwaizumi’s cheeks.

* * *

Later on in the day, they’re piled together on the couch as they play MarioKart. Oikawa is leaning most of his weight on Iwaizumi, and their legs are tangled together on the coffee table. A nearly-empty bottle of white wine and two glasses are sitting on the table. The visual scene is actually fairly serene, and both of them stay quite relaxed while playing. However - 

“You fucking shit!” 

“I’ve been  _ betrayed,  _ Iwa-chan!”

“You motherfucker!”

“HA! I won, Iwa-chan lost  _ again!”  _

Iwaizumi drops his controller on his lap and rubs his knuckles into Oikawa’s hair a little rougher than is necessary. “Yeah, Tooru, you did. What track next?”

“Rainbow Road?”

_ “No,  _ I hate Rainbow Road,” Iwaizumi complains but navigates the cursor to it anyways.

“You just hate it because you can’t win,” Oikawa laughs. “Anyways, the track itself is pretty.”

“Of course you care about the aesthetics.”

Oikawa scoffs. “Rainbow Road is for the gays, Iwa-chan!”

…

_ Shit. _

That had slipped out by accident. Oikawa’s heart rate increases and his eyes go big as he meets Iwaizumi’s equally wide gaze. “I mean -”

“You’re -” Iwaizumi starts. “Are you gay?” Iwaizumi asks, a cautious note to his voice.

Oikawa averts his eyes. This isn’t how he wanted this to go.  _ Shit. Fuck. FUCK.  _ “Uh -” he stammers. “Y-yeah.” He looks away in shame and sets his controller on the table, ready to leave and hide in his room for the rest of the day. 

“That’s fine,” Iwaizumi says simply. 

“You… you don’t think it’s weird?”

Iwaizumi scrunches up his face. “Nah. I’m bisexual, so it’s fine. I’d… uh, actually been wondering recently.”

“About what?”

“Your... preferences.”

“Oh.”

The silence is tense, as both men are scared to breathe, as if the moment will shatter.

“Can we play the game?”

“Gay Road, coming up,” Iwaizumi jokes, hoping to break the tension as he passes Oikawa his controller. 

Oikawa laughs, loud and full, hiding his face on Iwaizumi's shoulder.  _ This feels right,  _ he thinks.

Oikawa wins that race, as expected. Iwaizumi wins the two rounds after - Delfino Square and then Toad’s Factory. Oikawa whines about losing two in a row, so Iwaizumi picks Oikawa’s favorite track, DK Summit, which Oikawa then wins. 

They trade on and off with picking tracks for a while, each winning roughly the same amount. Oikawa makes some commentary about some of the tracks, his tongue loosened by the alcohol and after coming out.

Daisy Circuit: “It’s a lesbian undercover hookup.” “Explain?” “All the Luigi shit is a lie to distract from what’s really going on. Don’t be thick, Iwa-chan. Daisy is a lesbian and this track is about the race to a secret hookup with her lover.” “Of course it is.”

Moo Moo Meadows: “The cows are homophobic.” “Huh?” “I’m gay and they’re being mean to me. Thus, homophobic. Honestly, not that difficult of a concept. A fucking  _ cow  _ just dropped me four places!” “The audacity.”  _ “Right?” _

Mushroom Gorge: “Do you think Goombas are allies?” “Considering they’re working against us, no?” “Fucking assholes.”

Peach Gardens: “The continued saga of the lesbian hookup!” “How on earth?” “Look at all the traps Peach has put out for anyone who isn’t her lover! Only her lover is meant to get through, and fuck knows no Italian plumber is gonna be able to do that shit.” “You’re right, that’s exactly the story here.” “Glad you can see reason, Iwa-chan!”

Moonview Highway: “Who the fuck put eighteen wheelers on this track?” “Uh… the designers, I think.” “Not the point! I’m gay, I can’t drive! That’s why I play MarioKart, but these fucking trucks are making it too real! What the fuck!” “Maybe drunk gays shouldn’t drive, then. I’ll be happy to take the win.” “Not a chance, Iwa-chan! And I’m not drunk, I’m just well tipsy!” (Oikawa was a terrible real driver, so Iwaizumi always drove them everywhere)

Mario Circuit: “I -” “This is a classic, what could you possibly have to say about this track?” “Mario is a jealous, possessive fuck. Look at all these billboards.” “You’re one to talk.” “You love meeeeeee!” “Mhmm, I do.” 

They’re two-thirds finished with the second bottle of wine when Iwaizumi cuts them off with a laugh. “I think we’re done for tonight. We’re both playing terribly.”

Oikawa drapes himself over Iwaizumi dramatically. “But doesn’t that make it more fun?” He flashes a dazzling smile. Iwaizumi’s own soft smile falters for just a second, but then it’s back.

“Not when we’re both doing this badly. Let’s go to bed, Shittykawa.” 

“Will you sleep with me again?” Oikawa asks without thinking.

Iwaizumi freezes. “Okay.”

* * *

A few days later, Oikawa arrives back at the apartment after work around six o’clock - damn near a record, he thinks - but the apartment is empty. There’s no volleyball practice tonight, and Iwaizumi should have gotten out of work over an hour ago, so Oikawa is understandably concerned.

He tries to put his concern aside and attempts to make dinner for them. 

Iwaizumi walks through the door around eight o’clock, after the sun has set. “Hey.”

“Where were you?” he asks, offering a plate of food that’s now cold.

Iwaizumi accepts the food and goes to microwave it. He hesitates before answering. “I had some stuff on my mind, so I went for a drive.”

That sets off some red flags - Iwaizumi hasn’t gone driving in a long time, and he usually only goes driving when he’s feeling upset or overwhelmed.

“You want to talk about it?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m a big boy,” he jokes weakly. Oikawa notices that Iwaizumi’s dark circles have gotten worse, and his shoulders are hunched. To most people he’d probably look fine, but Oikawa can tell he’s a step away from being on the verge of tears.

“Please, Hajime, talk to me,” he begs. 

Iwaizumi ignores the beeping microwave in favor of petting Oikawa’s hair gently. “I’m not okay, but I’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Let me make it okay.”

Iwaizumi laughs weakly and moves to get his food. “You can’t do that. Trust me. This is all on me.”

“Do you want to sleep in my bed with me tonight? You seem to sleep better there,” Oikawa offers, a strange fluttering feeling in his chest.

“No,” Iwaizumi responds, a bit too quickly. “I - I’ll be fine. But thank you, Tooru. You’re the  _ best  _ friend I could ask for.” He takes a bite of the food and tries to hide a grimace. “But I’ll keep cooking. Thank you for dinner, though.”

Oikawa doesn’t push it any further. Iwaizumi goes to bed right after he finishes eating, leaving no room for any further conversation. 

Oikawa lays in bed for a while thinking about Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi has always told him whenever he’d be home late; he’s never just not sent him a text and come home that late. That was usually Oikawa’s move. And Iwaizumi had gone for a drive for all that time, which was another red flag. It’s been a few years since the last time Iwaizumi went driving, but Oikawa knows why he does. Iwaizumi had explained it at one time.

He’d said , “I dunno, I just find driving really relaxing. When I feel like everything in my life is really overwhelming and out of my control, when I’m driving, I’m in control of everything that happens to the car. It’s a bad thought, but I’m in control of whether or not I live or die when I’m behind the wheel. And when life’s getting to be overwhelming, I need to regain the control, I guess. There’s also the kind of melancholic euphoria is what I’d call it. It’s the feeling I get when I’m driving twenty-five above the speed limit on the freeway with the windows down, music loud, when I’m alone and sad and scared. Like, I’m going just fast enough to just barely scare myself into paying attention, and the wind and music are fun, and there’s a kind of melancholic overarching aura to the whole thing because I’m alone and sad in the first place. I don’t think it makes sense, but that’s why I drive when I’m overwhelmed and need to escape. I guess it’s self care.”

He thinks about the words and how they can apply to Iwaizumi now, but Iwaizumi hasn’t told him about anything going wrong or overwhelming him right now. Eventually, he gives up and succumbs to sleep.

Around midnight, just as Oikawa is on the verge of sleep, he hears Iwaizumi talking in his room. Confused, Oikawa pushes his covers back and treads over to the wall that separates their walls, and, indeed, Iwaizumi is talking, whether to himself or someone else. The words are muffled.

“Foolish… he’s not… And what if he thinks… Makki, I can’t… He doesn’t know. You know how… Yeah, uh huh. He’s been like this… it hurts. Hate seeing that… I don’t know how long I can do this… Running himself into… No, I… He’s too busy… just another burden on him… bullshit feelings… Fucking nine years, Makki, he doesn’t know… I’m hopeless… hurts… Whatever. Goodnight.”

Oikawa is still standing by the wall nearly three minutes later, trying to decipher what he’d heard, but none of the words are making sense together. Someone is hurting Iwaizumi, someone that means a lot to him, by the way Iwaizumi was talking. Iwaizumi hasn’t told him about anyone new, which means that he’s lying to Oikawa, a thought that makes his chest clench.

Whoever’s hurting Iwaizumi is going to regret the day they were born.

* * *

Oikawa regrets the day he was born.

Okay, maybe not that far back. Maybe just when he accepted his job from hell. That’s a bit better.

The following weeks pass in a blur of paperwork, emails, and assignments. He stops going to volleyball practice, which greatly upsets Iwaizumi and his coach, but he’s falling behind on both his work and his school work, so volleyball just doesn’t have a place in his life. Work has been getting worse as his supervisor adds more and more to his plate.

It’s the third night Oikawa spends overnight at the office that Iwaizumi demands he stand up to his supervisor and have some of his responsibilities taken off. Of course, Oikawa doesn’t, because he’s a loyal, dedicated corporate employee.

Iwaizumi has been a saint, and Oikawa thinks he probably couldn’t survive without his best friend. He makes sure that Oikawa eats at least one meal per day - a struggle, to say the least - and checks up on him multiple times per day to make sure he’s okay. Most nights, he’s still waiting up for him on the couch in the living room to ask how Oikawa’s day at work went, even if he doesn’t get home until eleven (usually Oikawa’s answer is “shitty but it’s whatever”). On Sundays - now Oikawa’s only “day off”, but he’s still on call - they usually stay in the apartment and watch movies together. Or, Oikawa naps on Iwaizumi’s lap while he watches a movie Oikawa chose.

As the weeks pass, Oikawa notices Iwaizumi’s energy depleting but doesn’t think much of it. 

They obviously haven’t had much time to talk, but Oikawa knows that Iwaizumi’s been taking more hours at his own job. Iwaizumi isn’t going for his masters like Oikawa, so he’s at an entry level position at an architectural firm. Iwaizumi hasn’t talked about his own job in nearly a month, but last Oikawa heard, he enjoys it well enough. 

He can’t think of any reason why Iwaizumi might be getting tired. 

At least, not until he gets more information he probably wasn’t meant to have (it was an honest mistake, promise).

Oikawa gets home early one night, but the apartment is quiet. There’s a note on the kitchen table in Iwaizumi’s handwriting.

_ “If you get home before I get back, I’m out for a drive. I don’t have my phone on me. I’ll be home in a few hours. There’s some leftovers in the fridge. -Hajime”  _

The line that keeps repeating in his mind is “I don’t have my phone.” 

_ Something’s very, very wrong with Iwa-chan.  _

The last time Iwaizumi went on a drive without his phone was during their first year of university, and it was probably the darkest time of his entire life. He only does that when he feels so out of control that he just wants to scare himself and disappear.

_ What’s happened that he’s not telling me?  _

Oikawa’s heart races and his breathing quickens as he dials picks a contact in his phone and presses call.  _ Pick up pick up pick up.  _

“Yo.”

“Makki,” he all but croaks.

Hanamaki falters on the other end of the line, clearly picking up on Oikawa’s distress. “O-okay, uh, what’s up, Oikawa?”

“What’s wrong with Iwa-chan?”

“What do you mean?” there’s a certain tone to Makki’s voice that Oikawa picks up on. He knows something.

“He’s been driving again, Makki. He hasn’t done that in years. And I got home early, and he went out without his phone,” Oikawa says quickly. He feels like he’s overreacting, but, if he knows his best friend, Iwaizumi doesn’t get upset easily. This has been building for a long time. “He hasn’t done that in years. What happened?”

“I…” Makki pauses. “Fuck, Iwaizumi,” he swears to himself. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” Oikawa screeches.

“First, ouch, mind your voice. Second, I made a promise not to tell  _ you,”  _ he says. The emphasis is clear. “I won’t betray Iwaizumi’s trust, but I’m worried about him. It’s been eating him up.”

“Why  _ me  _ specifically?”

“It’s about you, Oikawa.”

And his world comes crashing down.

“What… what do you mean?” he asks weakly. His voice is faint and his throat feels like it’s closing up as he backs up and falls onto the couch before his legs give way.

Makki sighs. “You don’t realize  _ how much  _ that man cares for you. It’s going to kill him. He might’ve reached his breaking point. He’s been watching you tear yourself apart and it’s hurting him.”

_ “What?”  _

“Honestly, can you not say anything else?” Makki jokes. “I’m not going to say more, though. You need to talk to him about it.”

“I… I don’t understand,” Oikawa whispers, voice cracking.

“Shit,” he swears. “Don’t cry okay? He’ll be home soon enough, and you guys can talk about it.”

“Fuck, Makki,” he rasps. 

At that moment, he hears a key in the door lock, prompting him to hang up the phone without even saying goodbye. He doesn’t even wipe away the tear tracks on his cheeks. The door swings open carefully, revealing a very dejected-looking Iwaizumi.

Oikawa supposes that this is what all these weeks have been leading up to. Iwaizumi’s back is hunched, his eye bags are abysmal, his spiky hair is even messier than usual, and his facial expression is barely holding it together. He’s wearing sweatpants and an old practice t-shirt. Iwaizumi doesn’t acknowledge Oikawa as he drags his feet into the kitchen and drops his keys. He crumples up the note he’d left and sighs deeply before running a hand through his hair.

_ Something is very, very wrong with Iwa-chan.  _

“Hajime?” he says quietly.

_ “Fuck!”  _ Iwaizumi jumps violently and whips towards where Oikawa is sitting on the couch. “How long have you been there?”

“I’ve been home for like half an hour.”

Their eyes lock and realization dawns in Iwaizumi’s eyes. “I -”

“Hajime, we need to talk,” he says and nods towards the seat next to him.

“Uh - yeah,” Iwaizumi agrees, albeit somewhat reluctantly. “Have you been crying?”

“We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you,” Oikawa says, haphazardly wiping at his cheeks. “Something’s wrong. What is it?”

“I’ll be fi -”

“Don’t pull that bullshit with me. You haven’t gone driving without your phone since the early college. Cut the shit, Hajime, and talk,” he snaps, eyes fiery. “You’ve never kept anything from me,” he continues, voice softer. “So why now?”

Iwaizumi pointedly doesn’t look at Oikawa, but thankfully doesn’t dance around the topic. He sighs. “I care a lot about you, Tooru.”

“Mhmm.”

“Like, it might kill me, how much I care about you,” he says cautiously. “And recently, you’ve been working yourself so hard, it’s been hurting you. And seeing you in such bad shape and knowing there’s nothing I can do to help except try to make sure you don’t die of starvation… It’s been killing me. I can’t stand to see you hurting.”

“But I haven’t been hurting,” Oikawa argues.

“Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

“Point taken, but I don’t understand why it’s  _ so  _ bad.”

“Fucking idiot, I’m in love with you,” Iwaizumi growls, but there’s no true bite. “Have been for like nine years or some bullshit. You  _ own  _ my heart, Tooru. You could throw it fucking whereever, and that’s where it would go, whether you’re aware of it or not. So, I mean, it’s bad enough to watch your best friend work himself into the ground and not be able to help it. But I’ve been trying my damndest to not let this goddamn crush get in the way of our friendship for so fucking long while still taking care of you because fuck knows you need it. You’re a fucking piece of work, you know that, right? But I can’t bear to lose you, Tooru, and you’ve never implied you want anything more, and we’ve always been friends, so… Uh secrets it is for me, I guess.”

Oikawa meets his eyes. “Fuck, Hajime.  _ Fuck.”  _

Conflicted doesn’t begin to describe Oikawa at this moment in time. He’d be lying if he said he’d never thought about Iwaizumi in a romantic context before - on the contrary, it actually came to the forefront of his mind mildly frequently. Like, for example, how much he likes waking up in Iwaizumi’s arms, or how much he likes cuddling while they watch movies or while he naps on Sundays. Or, how they go out on what could be considered dates already. Before Oikawa’s job got insane, they’d go to dinner just the two of them at least once a week and spent tons of time together. An outsider would probably think they were boyfriends, he supposes. But on the flip side, dating friends is a double-edged sword. The possibility of ruining the friendship is very, very real, and is very, very,  _ very  _ scary. However -

“Jesus, Tooru, please say or do something else before I combust,” Iwaizumi begs, balling his fists in the hem of his t-shirt.

“How about this?” Oikawa asks before leaning in and pressing their lips together gently. Oh, and it is wonderful. Iwaizumi inhales sharply and kisses back more firmly, reaching up to cup Oikawa’s face with one hand. He tugs lightly on soft brown curls and runs his tongue along Oikawa’s lower lip, a small noise escaping his throat when Oikawa’s lips open for his tongue to slip through. The movements aren’t rushed or feverish. Everything is slow and sweet, just an exploration, as they pull each other closer, Oikawa eventually ending up on Iwaizumi’s lap.

Iwaizumi pulls back wetly. “Uh -” he starts. “Y-yeah, that works.”

“Iwa-chan, will you be my boyfriend?” Oikawa asks, heart pounding.

“Of course.”

_ Delivered, 21:33: hey makki it kinda worked out _

_ Received, 21:34: Good. Deal with your own shit. _

_ Received, 21:34: Happy for you guys _

* * *

_ 15 March, 15:45 _

_ To: Social Division Management _

_ From: Oikawa Tooru _

_ Subject: Project Division _

_ Hello, _

_ In light of some changes in my personal life and reasonable workload, I’m putting in a formal request to lessen my workload. Over the past six or so months, I’ve been putting in a massive number of hours in order to compensate for the workload for which I have been assigned. This was possible for a short term, but is no longer a possibility for me. In addition, it is not in my job description to be working overnight, over 40 hours, or past eight PM for general duties. My request is to either lessen my personal load or to have 3+ more interns assigned to my department exclusively.  _

_ Thank you,  _

_ Oikawa Tooru _

_ Marketing Supervisor, Social Division _

_ 16 March, 10:13 _

_ To: Oikawa Tooru _

_ From: Social Division Management _

_ Subject: Re: Project Division _

_ Oikawa, _

_ We will work with upper management on finding a solution. _

_ Social Division Management _

_ [Time Request Off] _

_ 21 March _

_ 22 March _

_ 23 March _

_ 24 March _

_ 25 March _

_ \- APPROVED, SEE NOTE - _

_ Note: Approved _

* * *

“This is the first true vacation you’ve had since you started this job?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa replies, leaning into his boyfriend. The train rumbles underfoot. “Thank you for everything.”

“Thank you,” Iwaizumi whispers, punctuating each word with a gentle kiss to the tip of Oikawa’s nose.

“Dork,” Oikawa laughs, burying his head in Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“A dork you love though, right?” Iwaizumi teases as he drops his head on top of Oikawa.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> ok so basically in yswmj iwa was the workaholic and here oik is forced to be one. i have a new short angsty fic in the works. also! what iwa said about driving being a coping mechanism is exactly how i think about it, lil fun fact about me. honestly this whole fic was really self indulgent again.
> 
> other thing! i was playing around with a new formatting. the big chunk of emails/texts towards the beginning was intended to read like a montage of sorts. let me know what you thought of that :)
> 
> thank you so much for reading! let me know what you think!
> 
> [tumblr](https://stephissalty.tumblr.com/)


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